the perks of being a wallflower

I have read this book far too many times.. but before I forget this quote

"I guess I could tell people about punk rocky and walking home from school and things like that. Maybe these are my glory days and I'm not realizing it because they don't involve a ball."

one of the few books I can read over & over again.

yess

write as i was thinking of what to title this my mom walked in here with a black marble compostion book, SCORE!

so i realized thinking is only good for me personally with legit pen & paper... 

Friday- I got some exciting new from my father about something in Mid-June.. get pumped, I know I was when I found out. GNARlington, than Genevieve's house, love it their its always exciting and welcoming :) left early and went straight to bed.

Saturday- SAT test in the morning, took the test at high school number 1, realized high school number one is my favorite of all three, its the way high schools are supposed to be... old, over-crowded, dirty, and focused on sports teams, being with kids you had known since kindergarten, I wish I didn't ever have to leave that one. just an observation before the test. Spent the day at the mall with my mom, I did a ridicious amount of shopping.. not sure why? Rachel & Genevieve came over around 8 went out they slept over.

okay cool..

I need a nap now

We are today's secrets and tomorrows headlines

I will put more up here when I find one's that are relevant,

I love Post Secret

It's hard to swim in such a shallow place

& I would do anything to go back to public school these days... 

uncomplicated. we both know i can be unpredictable.

My three biggest fears(In order)-

1. being alone forever
2. failure
3. heights
   

So, I applied to George Mason a few days ago. I am not sure why? I guess it's because I can't apply to just one school. VCU is my main choice, after visiting a friend during winter break who goes their when he was home, he always had seemed to really like it. Also, Richmond is far enough away that I won't have to deal with anyone from past high school's they are all set on going to Towson or University of Maryland. I am applying other places because when I wanted to apply just to three schools my friend Amy was like "... I guess that is an okay start" So now I have a list of about six I plan on applying to. I don't like when other people tell me what the fuck to do with my life, especially when they aren't being supportive about it. Yesterday I was talking to Jamaal who I miss a lot, he already has gotten offers from three colleges, I told him what I wanted he has been the only one to sound super supportive of me... everyone else kind of dipped out, once I switched schools... 

I feel like if I don't get into VCU biggest fear number #2 will be coming true... My sister always has had her entire life planned out she knew which college she wanted to go when she was in 6th grade, and she is now at that college... happily ever after, her only words of wisdom to me where "You aren't going anywhere Shannon no one will want you." The first day of my internship my cousin took me shopping at pentagon city and I thought damn maybe the old bitch is finally changing ways, just to get lectured in the car about how she only took me out because she thought I was full of shit & made up my internship, & how awful I am for having to go private school, she topped it off with "Yeah right next year you will still be living at home, You are going to college." She's such a cunt, maybe that's why ever since I was 10 I used to tell my parents, "I don't want to be Beth when I grow up." 40 years old never married, or had even been in a long term relationship. My favorite thing to do is prove people wrong, so I hope I can do it! 

Today, I am going to the Jammin Java to see the Downtown Fiction. Scene Trash Magazine is realising issue #29 at the show. Static Magazine is also releasing it's first issue at the show. (I am not sure if either of them know they are both being released today..) I am happy to be a writer/ photographer for both magazines! (the Downtown Fiction is in both magazine, those boys have the best personalities) After the Jammin Java I am going to Jenn's house and we are watching movies and eating cupcakes and I am spending the night down in Woodbridge. Tomorrow we are going to MOSHington DC to see USHER & Beyonce! that shit is more legit than warped tour. 

I am grateful to not be sick anymore, that 103 degree fever and ear infection and whatever else was plaguing me is gone. Jonathan got me a hoodie yesterday its super comfy. All I wear are oversized clothes with spandex and boots, Pullovers and dunks when im lazy! 

103 degree fever & things are starting to make since...

just a little too late perhaps?

discussing life with jenn a couple days ago she said - "idk girly, i think you have me beat in the masochism department for realz"

masochism-noun- the tendency to derive pleasure, esp. sexual gratification from one's own pain or humiliation, the enjoyment of what appears to be painful or tiresome: isn't their some kind of masochism involved in taking on this kind of project?

than i was talking to Britney and i said i hate when people are up my ass about anything esp. giving me attention, & i dunno maybe i liked being ignored if that sounds odd? she told me it wasn't.. that i like my breathing space

it's great to know that someone cares... but i am okay doing things by myself and for myself, but having company is always good. 

i wish i could have come to this self-actualization sooner..

how to make every morning AMAZING

1. before going to bed drink sleepy time tea
2. when you wake up blast - xgumbyx (you wont be able to wake up slowly because chances are you will only be able to find one song)
   
3. when you wake up drink blueberry tea
4. go back upstairs blast 3oh!3 and work out to get the blood flowing. (something about 3oh!3 makes you want to move... a lot! oh and if you have a workout ball those are super fun)
5. shower time!
6. when getting out of the shower put on breathe Carolina while fixing your hair & doing your make-up, i dunno why but it seems like the right kind of music for this step
7. when picking out clothes  & packing up your obnoxiously big tote bag listen to four year strong to get the blood flowing again
8. in the car listen to the acacia strain, to get out any remaining rage before facing the day 

that's what I did this morning and it ruled. step #4 was definitely the best, hooray endorphins. 

kick start my mornings :)